The worst joke of the week award

DaveA · Post by **DaveA** » Thu Jul 24, 2008 12:34 am

Episode one

Subject: Gender lesson

A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that, in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa."
"Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz."

So, a student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation. The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la Computadora"), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ("el computador"), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.

DaveA · Post by **DaveA** » Thu Jul 31, 2008 12:35 am

A young engineer was leaving the office at 6 p.m. when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

"Listen," said the CEO, "this is important, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly," said the young engineer. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."

DaveA · Post by **DaveA** » Fri Aug 29, 2008 11:16 pm

A man was walking past a fishmongers and saw in the window a crab with only one front leg but both pinchers. He went in and asked why the crab only had one leg. The fishmonger said, well I was on board my boat the other day and I got a jelly fish under the engine. I took the crab out of its box and sent it down and before the jellyfish could smell out the boat, he eat him up. Oh said the fellow and left.

The next day, he was walking past the fishmongers and saw the same crab in the window but now it's only got one leg and one claw. He went in and asked the fishmonger why it only had one front leg and one claw. Why said the fishmonger. After I finished last night, I went for a sail it was a bit rough and the boat fell off a couple of waves and loosened some seams. I got the crab out of the box and it went into the bilge and caulked up the seams from inside. Oh said the fellow and left.

The next day, he was walking apst the fishmonger's again and this time the crab has only got one front leg. He went in and asked why the crab only had the one leg. The Fishmonger said, Well, last night after I finished, I went for a sail. As I was motoring out of the Quarters, the stern gland started leaking badly, the yacht was sinking. But I took the crab out of its box and it went down into the bilge and along to the stern gland and it repacked it, stopped the leak and saved the boat and me.

Yes, yes, said the Fellow but you never tell me why its loosing it legs and claws,

"Well", said the Fishmonger.

"A crab that good you don't want to eat all at once".

bobholiday · Post by **bobholiday** » Wed Sep 03, 2008 2:58 pm

Oh it hurts

--

Child: Mummy, mummy, why do I keep walking around and around in circles?

Mother: Shut up, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor!

DaveA · Post by **DaveA** » Wed Sep 03, 2008 9:01 pm

I see we're finding the level now

A man is in a queue at Tesco and sees this busty blonde staring at him, he can't believe she is staring at him, then she starts waving.

'Excuse me do I know you?' he asks. 'Yes I think you are the father of one of my kids' she says..

The man thinks back and remembers his one act of infidelity and says 'F...ing hell are you the bird I shagged on me stag do, whilst your mate

whipped me

'No' she replies 'I'm your son's English teacher!'

DaveA · Post by **DaveA** » Sat Sep 06, 2008 9:32 pm

A blonde walks into a bank in London and asks to see the manager.

She says she's going to Hong Kong on business for two weeks and needs to borrow £5,000. The manager says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

The manager and the tellers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a £200,000 Ferrari as collateral against a £5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the £5,000 and the interest, which comes to £17.41. The manager says, 'Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.
While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a millionairess. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow £5,000?' The blonde replies...'Where else in central London can I park my car for two weeks for only £17.41

See, I always knew blondes were smart!!!

bobholiday · Post by **bobholiday** » Mon Sep 08, 2008 10:07 am

The funniest thing about that last one is that you have taken it as evidence that blondes are intelligent

DaveA · Post by **DaveA** » Mon Sep 08, 2008 1:00 pm

Oh I don't know about evidence, but I have to be careful as the wife is blonde